There are moments when we doubt ourselves without even realising we are doing it. It can happen so quickly that we barely notice. We feel something, sense something, experience something, or simply know something to be true — and then, almost immediately, we begin talking ourselves out of it.

Maybe I'm overthinking it. Maybe I'm imagining things. Maybe I'm being too sensitive. Maybe there's another explanation. Maybe I've got it wrong.

And just like that, we move away from what we knew and towards what we can explain.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, particularly as I've been writing my book. I've found myself returning to an experience from my childhood that I spent years trying to make sense of. At the time, I knew what I had experienced. It was only afterwards that the questioning began.

What if it wasn't what I thought it was? What if there was another explanation? What if I had somehow imagined it?

Eventually, the explanation became more important than the experience itself.

And I wonder how often we do this in our everyday lives.

We have become so accustomed to looking outside ourselves for answers that sometimes we don't even realise we've stopped listening to the person who is actually living our life.

Us.

We ask other people what they think. We Google. We research. We look for evidence. We replay conversations. We analyse situations from every possible angle. We search for something outside ourselves that will confirm what, somewhere deep down, we may already know.

Sometimes that's useful. Of course it is. We aren't always right, and our thoughts and feelings can be influenced by our fears, beliefs, past experiences and assumptions.

But there is a difference between questioning something with curiosity and automatically assuming that we cannot trust ourselves.

And I think many of us have become incredibly good at the latter.

Somewhere along the way, we learn that what can be explained, proven or validated by somebody else carries more weight than what we feel or know within ourselves. So when something doesn't make logical sense, we dismiss it. When we can't explain why something feels wrong, we tell ourselves we're being ridiculous. When our life looks good but doesn't feel good, we remind ourselves of all the reasons we should be happy.

We override ourselves.

Not because we don't know.

Sometimes because we don't trust what we know.

And it happens in the smallest, most ordinary moments.

You know when you're exhausted and need to rest, but keep going anyway. You know when something about a situation doesn't feel right, even though you can't put your finger on why. You know when you've outgrown something that once felt right for you. You know when you don't want to say yes. You know when you're unhappy, even though from the outside there appears to be absolutely nothing wrong with your life.

You know when something is missing, even if you can't name what that something is.

Yet instead of becoming curious about what we're feeling, we can spend months — sometimes years — convincing ourselves that we shouldn't feel it at all.

Perhaps one of the most important relationships we can build in this lifetime is the relationship we have with our own knowing.

That doesn't mean blindly believing every thought that enters our mind. It doesn't mean acting on every emotion or assuming our interpretation of something is always correct.

It simply means becoming willing to listen to ourselves before we dismiss ourselves.

What am I actually feeling here?

What did I notice before I started explaining it away?

What do I know before everybody else's opinions enter the room?

And what would change if I trusted myself a little more?

Sometimes the answer might be nothing. Sometimes, after sitting with something, we might realise we were wrong.

But sometimes the answer might change everything.

Because the truth is, there have probably been moments throughout your life when you knew.

You knew a relationship wasn't right before it ended. You knew you were exhausted before your body forced you to stop. You knew you'd outgrown a job long before you finally left. You knew you wanted something different before you could explain what different looked like.

Perhaps you even knew that something was missing long before you ever had the words to describe it.

We don't always know why we know.

Sometimes understanding comes later.

And perhaps that's okay.

We don't need to have everything figured out immediately. We don't need proof for every feeling, nor do we need to make a dramatic change every time something inside us whispers.

Maybe the first step is simply noticing.

Listening.

And becoming a little less willing to abandon our own experience simply because we cannot yet explain it.

Because there is something incredibly powerful about becoming someone you can trust.

Someone who listens when something inside whispers, pay attention.

Someone who can sit with uncertainty without immediately handing their knowing over to somebody else.

Someone who can say, I don't understand this yet, but I'm willing to listen.

Perhaps coming home to ourselves isn't about finally having all the answers.

Maybe it begins with something much simpler.

Learning to stop doubting ourselves long enough to hear what was there before the doubt arrived.

So this week, if you find yourself explaining away a feeling, an instinct or something you quietly know, pause before you rationalise it. Before you ask somebody else. Before you convince yourself you're wrong.

And ask yourself one question:

What did I know before I started doubting myself?

If this resonated with you, I'd love to hear what came up for you.

What is something you've known for a long time but perhaps haven't fully trusted yourself enough to listen to?

Simply reply to this email. I read every response.

Until next Sunday,

​
​Michelle​
​Simplifying Being Human.

P.S. You're receiving The Self Strategist because you've chosen to create a little more space to understand yourself each week. Over the coming months, you'll also be the first to hear about new essays, Self Foundations enrolments, retreats, workshops and other ways to explore what it means to understand yourself — and ultimately, to live a life that feels like your own.